Dear Gross

Dear Gross,

I need to get some things off my chest. Look, you and I have been at this for what, over five months now?  Yet, I still feel like I don’t really know you. Sometimes, when I think I do, you test me and then I realize I don’t……..

I guess I just feel like this has been a one-way relationship. I do almost everything you ask, Gross. You want me to study your muscles, so I study your muscles. You want me to study your nerves, so I study your nerves. You want me to know that I can palpate a man’s prostate if I give him a rectal examination, so I know that too. But despite all my efforts, you still give me mediocre grades. I even went out and bought BRS (Badass Relationship Suggestions) hoping to get a few pointers on how to handle you. But no, the tips they gave me still did not work much on you…

Don’t get me wrong, Gross. We’ve had our okay times. I won’t lie. I enjoyed learning about your upper and lower limbs and some of your random fun facts. (Like when I hit my “funny bone”, I’m actually hitting my ulnar nerve! WOW!) See, I sometimes like you… BUT I STILL MOSTLY HATE YOU! Have you even noticed that it’s been five months and we still haven’t said “I love you” to each other?! I texted my friend Abby who IM’d her friend Jessica who said that we were on the path to breaking up! Don’t you care, Gross?!?!?! Huh?!?!?! I don’t think you do…

…Which brings me to the main reason I’m writing you this letter today. I’m through trying to understand you, Gross.  I’ve tried, I’ve tried, and I’ve tried. But I shall try no more. I’m breaking up with you!!!!!

As of this week, I will be changing my Facebook status to ‘Single’. Hmph!!!!

You suck,

Student Dr. Jayanthan